Friday, May 20, 2005
Fun Irelander Feature-Cloning
I see British scientists have announced they have cloned the country's first human embryo. Cloning is a very controversial issue which causes alot of concern. Personally, I think cloning is a brilliant idea. Think of the benefits for mankind:
- Solves dating problems - Teenagers will love it! Jodie won't go to the prom with you? Well then clone the stuck up cow! Everybody wins! Always fantasised about cheating on your wife but were reluctant to do so? Well, clone your wife and play around! If your wife finds out she can't get too mad about it! Again, everybody wins!
- You can fight yourself - What a laugh this would be. Get some of your friends over for a few drinks and everyone can bet on who will win in a fight between you and your clone. Hell, even if you lose you can't be too disappointed...
- You can get adventurous - Always wanted to go bungee jumping but were too afraid? Well clone yourself and have the clone do it! Have your picture taken as well and people will assume it was you that did it...
- Helps out narcissists - I'm sure you know at least one guy who seems to just love himself. Well, now he can! Literally! It's a bit disturbing alright but I'm sure society can come up with a word for people who are attracted to their clones...
- Revolutionises game shows - Forget winning a trip to see your favourite pop star. Instead, win your favourite pop star's clone! Think of the Late Late Show of the future and an announcement like this from Pat Kenny: "OK folks, we've got Andrea Corr on the show tonight and...there's one for everyone in the audience"! Everybody wins!
- Cheap labour - Rather than exploiting regular humans, or norms as they'll likely be called, just clone a bunch of people and have them do the work instead. Clones will likely have limited intelligence so won't mind working for a few euros an hour and they certainly won't mind being called 'kebabs'.
- Clone rebellion - Perhaps clones will fight back you say? So what! This will make things interesting and we can have cloned civil rights leaders and everything! Journalists will have a field day when we have a real "clone war" and we can have headlines saying "Attack of the Clones!" Also, George Lucas will get alot richer which can only be a good thing.
- An extra liver - Hey, we Irish love to drink alot. Now we can without fearing the consequences! If our liver gets damaged we can simply take one from a clone and use that. Nobody can criticise you if your using a liver from your own body's cells!
Like I said, cloning is a brilliant idea. Everybody wins from it!
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