Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Attack of the Clowns

Everyone's going crazy for Star Wars I see due to the third and final instalment of the series, Revenge of the Sith, about to hit our screens very soon. As I pondered over the epic saga, I realised it shares alot of similarities with our own epic saga north of the border. Many Star Wars characters have alot in common with political characters in the North. Let me explain:

Anakin Skywalker - Jeffrey Donaldson

Corrupted by the powers of the dark side, wee Jeffrey turned his back on the UUP. He looked so innocent and everything with that face of his. Oh well.

Obi-Wan Kenobi - David Trimble

The mentor of Jeffrey was eventually slain by his student. He tried so hard to put up with him but he suffered at his hands.

Chewbacca - Gerry Adams

Gerry, like Chewie, is a hairy beast with a heart. He tries so hard and, even though Gerry can be hard to understand sometimes and even though it appears he's talking complete garbage, some people can truly understand him.

Han Solo - Martin McGuinness

Martin is one such guy who can understand Gerry. Oh the trials and tribulations this great friendship has endured. It really is quite touching. If anyone is the pilot on the Sinn Fein ship, it's big Martin.

Princess Leia - Sylvia Hermon

Oh what responsibility Sylvia has on her hands. So much expectation on the shoulders of the lady. Can she rally people to her cause?

Yoda - Mark Durkan

Ah the wise Durkan. Clever is he not? He always knows just what the problem is and isn't afraid to explain it in full. Literally. Much danger ahead there lurks...

Luke Skywalker - Peter Hain

Hard to find a hero in this day and age. Or is it? Step up Peter Hain, the man who the province looks to as a saviour of the political situation. Use the force Peter! Not literally though as...well, that's caused problems in the past. Just don't screw up!

Jar Jar Binks - Bertie Ahern

Ah the beloved Bertie! Though he may be mocked for his voice and the fact that, well he doesn't seem to know what he's doing, he still has good intentions at heart. Meesa doing the best I can Ceann Comhairle!

Jabba the Hutt - Ian Paisley

Gotta be hasn't it? And why don't we see him taking part in debates in studios? He just sits around barking orders and clearly he's not to be trusted! Many will suffer when Big Ian is outraged!

See? NI is just like Star Wars. Not to mention the fact that by the time this political mess is finally resolved we'll all be using lightsabres and flying spaceships...


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