Thursday, March 01, 2007


It's all a joke really

I suddenly remember why I dislike politicians so much. File this one under M for moronic.

It seems Welsh First Minister Rhodri Morgan is under fire for joking about DUP leader Ian Paisley in front of NI Secretary Peter Hain and British PM Tony Blair.

Mr Morgan remarked that Dr Paisley converted to Catholicism before dying because he thought it better to lose a Catholic than a Protestant.

A harmless little joke for sure, but alas now we must enter bizarro world. Ready? Here goes...

The DUP have reacted to this by saying Dr Paisley would not be commenting about the "poor taste" joke.

Said a DUP spokesman:

"It's not a remark one would expect from a first minister from any part of the United Kingdom. "We are involved in more serious activity and we would trust that the Welsh first minister would be more careful with his language and not been so offensive."

The Conservatives have described the joke as "tasteless" and "hurtful" and called on Mr Morgan to apologise. Seriously.

A spokesman for Peter Hain at the Northern Ireland Office said:

"Peter thought that the joke was inappropriate and in poor taste and he knows that Rhodri Morgan now recognises that."

Has the whole world gone completely insane? Who makes up this shite? Let's take a stroll down memory lane shall we, back to 2003, and remind ourselves what Dr Paisley said about the current Finance Minister of the Republic of Ireland Brian Cowen:

"Someone told me the other day that the reason his lips were so thick was that when his mother was bringing him up he was a very disobedient young boy, so she used to put glue on his lips to keep him there and that has been recorded in his physical make-up.

"Away with him indeed and if he wants to use his lips to better effect, he should do it somewhere else, and go to people of like physical looks."

The comedy stylings of Dr Paisley, folks. And you know what's even more funny? There was not a hint of an apology from anyone in the DUP for those remarks.

Which joke do you think was nastier? Morgan's or Paisley's? It's bloody obvious.

I make you go haha!
Hypocrisy! Yeah!

I note Ian Paisley Junior has brushed off the reaction to the joke by saying politicians should be "born with an extra chromosome". One wonders then why a DUP spokesman came out and criticised Mr Morgan? DUP members are not missing chromosomes, surely?

Considering how this has gotten so many people's knickers in a twist, I feel the only proper way for United Irelander to deal with this sensitive topic is to publish several jokes about Ian "I can't take a joke even though I am one" Paisley. It's only right! So without further ado:

- Ian Paisley died and went to heaven, when he got there he knocked long and hard on the door. St.Peter came out and asked his name. "YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME ? I'M THE REV. IAN PAISLEY!" he roared at St. Peter. St. Peter looked at his list and could not find his name. 'Sorry,' said St.Peter you're not on the list. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT ON THE LIST??? DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM???" 'As a matter of fact I do,' said St. Peter, but your name is not on the list. "THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH I'M A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON, MY NAME SHOULD BE ON THE LIST!" St. Peter trys to explain that its not easy to get into heaven, and that you have to be a Catholic and when Paisley hears this he starts to complain, so St. Peter says that had he been good to Catholics then he might have some chance. "WELL," roared Paisley, "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN VERY GOOD TO CATHOLICS, WHY ONLY 2 WEEKS AGO I MET A YOUNG GIRL WHO HAD MADE HER COMMUNION AND I GAVE HER A POUND AND 2 WEEKS BEFORE I MET A YOUNG BOY WHO HAD MADE HIS COMMUNION AND I HAVE HIM A POUND, NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY NOW MR. ST. PETER ???" St. Peter took a few notes on what he said, he told Paisley to wait, that he would have to go and talk to GOD and get some advice. About ten minutes later St. Peter come out and said to Paisley. 'HEARS YOUR TWO POUNDS BACK, NOW FUCK OFF.'

- Ian Paisley gets accidentally cyrogenically frozen for 50 years. When he wakes up, the first question from his big, angry mouth is "What the hell happened?" His doctor comes over and says "Good afternoon Mr. Paisley. You have been cryogenically frozen for 50 years, and I have good news and bad news for you." To which Ian replies "Whats the bad news?" "Well," says the doc, "Ireland invaded England 25 years ago, Gerry Adams is Prime Minister, and Mary McAleese has been crowned Queen." "Mother o'God!" cries Ian. "Whats the GOOD news?" "Rangers beat Celtic last night" says his doc, with a grin. Ian sits back and smiles. "What was the score?" His doc turns to him and says "Three goals and four points to one goal and one point".

- What's the difference between Ian Paisley and a radiator? You can put a sash on a radiator and it won't march all summer.

- Ian Paisley's wife went to the dentist the other week. The dentist asked her 'Well, how's the mouth?' "Still in bed"

If anyone's got any more Paisley jokes feel free to share them.


<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

© 2008 United Irelander.