Wednesday, July 12, 2006


The Twelfth arrives! Huzzah!

Great fun for EVERYONE! Yes it's that time of year again. The 12th of July. It's a very important date on the calendar here in Ireland. To clear up any confusion, it's not because on this day in 1979 Kiribati declared independence from Britain nor is it because today is Bill Cosby's birthday. No, it is because on this day in 1690, William of Orange, the Protestant king of England, defeated forces loyal to James II, the Catholic king who he replaced.

Now you would think there would be no problems whatsoever celebrating this sectarian moment in history but you'd be mistaken because, unfortunately, Catholics believe it or not do not like this glorious day in history being celebrated right in front of them. How unreasonable is that?!

Luckily, DUP MLA Norah Beare was at hand to set the naysayers straight:

"There are those in recent years who have tried to turn the Twelfth period into something controversial and to make unionist culture appear as something shameful which is a burden to Northern Ireland."

"However, for unionists the Twelfth means something very different."

Yeah! You tell 'em, Norah! Some crazy people (morons I call 'em) see the 12th of July as a triumphalist affair for one side of the community only which has a divisive rather than healing influence, but this is clearly not the case. It's not like Irish tricolours are going to be burned or anything. The knowledgeable Norah continued:

"When there is so much focus today on antisocial behaviour, isn't it also fantastic to see young out with old parading in a disciplined fashion, taking pride in their appearance and enjoying real musical talent which is a product of years of practice and commitment? Are those not qualities we should encourage?"

Too fucking right! We need to see more of these kinds of events as they encourage good qualities. In fact if you ask me there are a few other sectarian conflicts we could be exploiting right now. Wasn't there a town in Limerick or some other rural part of the country which ran some Jews out during World War 2? I think we should commemorate that too. Get a few bands in, some disciplined parading etc. Great fun altogether! Norah concluded:

"As unionists, we can respect other cultures but we will hold our heads high and proudly defend our own traditions."

Hear that you morons? Stop ruining unionist's sectarian fun for feck's sake.

Penal Laws - A glorious legacy!

In closing I'd like to say that I hope the 12th of July celebrations go off peacefully and that no one gets hurt.

Let's face it, there is no reason at all for such a marvellous moment in Irish history to be tarnished by a petty few.

As many unionist politicians have repeatedly stated, the events of 1690 which pitted Protestants against Catholics should prove a unifying influence today for ALL communities. And if you think otherwise you're a moron.


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