Friday, November 25, 2005


Fun Irelander Feature - List of enemies

We all have our enemies. Superman has Lex Luthor, Luke Skywalker has Darth Vader, Madonna has people who enjoy decent music, and likewise yours truly has plenty of enemies as well. So with that being said, I will now give you United Irelander's list of enemies:

Ryan Tubridy - What an absolute muppet this guy is. He seems to look on himself as some sort of drawback to the America of the thirties with his OTT smarmy demeanour. How this guy got on TV is a mystery to anyone who likes to be entertained.

DUP bigots - The party is filled with religious fundamentalist types who would make their American counterparts blush. Homophobia, sectarianism, anti-Irishness, they've got it all. Twats.

Dublin scangers - Decked out in their white runners, sports gear and baseball caps these Dublin scumbags are an out and out menace to society. One is almost driven to violence when forced to hear their high-pitched ramblings. "Whaaaat's the staaarrrrryy buuudddddd?" Aaarrrgghh! They're a strong argument for eugenics it must be said...

Sinn Féin sheep - Oh how I detest these Sinn Féin apparatchiks who tow the party line every single time. At least Francie Molloy had the balls to stand up for himself and show a bit of backbone. Sadly the vast majority of Sinn Féin supporters can't seem to see straight as they have Gerry Adams' rear end blocking their view on key matters.

Anti-American lefties - Some of them are right loons and are so vehemently anti-American that they are willing to tamper with aeropanes to vent their hate! I detest Irish people who say bad things about America and Americans!

Tim Henman - The guy's lame. Simple as that.

The FAI - They have fancy suits and make alot of money but it doesn't change the fact that they are inept, moronic arseholes. Only in Ireland would a football association, on the eve of the biggest competition in world football, not bother to check that they have the necessary equipment for the players. Who knows who the next manager will be with these guys in charge. Wouldn't surprise me if it turned out to be Roddy Collins...

Corkonians (exceptions being certain sports athletes and politicians) - No need to explain this obvious one.

Bleeding Heart brigade - You know the types. Bloody insufferable. These are the eejits who are always seeking to find something politically incorrect to pounce on - and if nothing politically incorrect is said that still doesn't stop them! For example, you try and talk calmly about your concerns regarding immigration and the word 'racist' is often trotted out. You try to talk calmly about your concerns regarding gay marriage or gay adoption and the 'bigot' word is trotted out. I can't stand these fools.

Panel planks - I really can't stand the RTE show, 'The Panel'. An outsider from overseas who tunes into this show probably thinks it's a reality show based on the observations of a group of mental patients. I really can't stand two people on that show in particular. Dara O'Briain, who is about as funny as a verruca and who has a really annoying voice (even by Irish standards), and Irish metrosexual Ed Byrne who needs a haircut even more than David Seaman. How do these guys get on TV? Is it a case of 'collect twelve crisp packets and get your own TV show'?

Chuggers - As someone who walks through O'Connell Street regularly, I have to put up with these hippy-types who have the audacity to stop me as I make my way around the city. These guys make a very tidy sum doing what they do and perhaps if they did this charity work FOR FREE then I would show them some more respect. However it's hard to show respect to people who sometimes even come up to you when you're standing at a bus stop! This is Dublin - no one talks to anybody! It's tradition and don't you forget it!

So there you have it. My list of enemies (Draft 1). I'm sure I've left some people out. Anyway, feel free to comment on my choices or even come up with your own list.


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